It is gray blue evening out this window.  I can see dark furry spruces against a thick, creamy clouded sky.  The snow on the ground still looks white and pure and it’s deep, a classic New England scene out of a postcard.  As a kid growing up in Latin America I would never have imagined ending up in such a place, yet now this region is my home.

A few minutes ago I heard a friend talking about how her young daughter managed to come into her own after meditating at a teen retreat here at Insight Meditation Society.   She said it was like watching an airplane taking a nosedive and suddenly getting air under its wings.  I cried a little bit–because I sensed how much she cared about her daughter, and I felt sad for my own young self.  It’s not hard to remember when I was an adolescent — 15 years old — and how far I felt from trusting any adults and how long it took to get out of that place.  But like that girl I also found connection, permission, and openness within the Buddhist meditation practices.  I still learn from the teachings.  The value feels infinite.  All this sounds hokey and syrupy I feel almost embarrassed to say it without irony.  But there is something new in my own heart to recognize that this woman was speaking the truth, not just promoting something fake.  I guess I still live close to the fear of nothing being genuine.